When I Think of You (My Best Friend)
by RavenclawGenius
Summary: Bechloe: That DSM chick is really messing with Beca's head. (I think this is sort of evident, but here lie spoilers for PP2.)


_Author's Note:_ I've been out of the Pitch Perfect verse for a minute, but this has been toying in my head since I saw the new movie, and this is what happened. Let me know what you think, please!

Also, this fic takes place sometime after the retreat, but before Worlds.

* * *

"Jesse," Beca twists her fingers nervously together and frowns, "I think I need to talk to you about something."

Jesse furrows his brows together and nods, carefully shutting the lid of his laptop before setting it to rest on his nightstand. "Okay. What's up, Bec?"

"Okay, so, first, I need you to just be quiet for a few minutes. I'm not really sure how to do this, and I need a minute to, like, make it sound right, okay?"

Jesse's brows loft upward in amusement, but his look is laced with curiosity and confusion, too. Beca can't really blame him, but she needs to get this out, and she needs him to be patient with her while she works through what she's feeling enough that she can voice it, too. It would be really freaking great if she could just get her hands to stop shaking.

"Alright," Jesse agrees cautiously. "But it's just me, Beca," he reminds gently. "You don't need to be nervous. Whatever it is, we'll figure it out."

"But that's the thing," Beca huffs. "I _am_ nervous, and I don't think it's something 'we' need to figure out. I think it's a Beca-thing. And that's not even a real thing. Oh my god. I'm not making any sense," Beca breathes shakily. "Okay, I have this problem, and it's on my mind pretty much _all the time_ , right now, and I need to talk about it or I'm going to explode or puke or something. God, I sound like _Aubrey_ ," Beca frowns, disgust creasing the lines of her mouth and the edges of her eyes. "Do you get what I mean?" She asks abruptly.

Jesse slowly nods his understanding, frowns, then shakes his head. "Okay, no. Sorry. I don't get it."

"Look, there's just… There's this- _girl_ ," Beca groans and flops down on the bed, head resting beside Jesse's hip as she throws her arm over her face to avoid eye contact. "Das Sound Machine has this, like, intensely fierce _girl_ leading the group, and she's also super inconveniently gorgeous, and it's seriously fucking with my head, Jesse. Like, I think this girl is _crazy_ attractive. And I just feel like – " Beca breaks off and sighs bemusedly. "I feel like…"

"Like maybe she might not be the only girl you've ever found attractive?" Jesse supplies helpfully.

Beca shoots her body upward, twisting her waist around so that she can see him, pinning him with a wildly confused and panicked stare.

"What?" She demands.

Jesse sighs softly and smiles. "Come on, Bec," he says gently. "You spend the majority of your time with the Bellas. You can't tell me you've never thought about being with one of them," he challenges. "Maybe… maybe a perky redheaded one, in particular?" He pitches carefully.

"I didn't– I haven't– Jesse, you _know_ I haven't _ever_ – "

"Relax, Beca," he chuckles lightly. "It's okay. I know you haven't ever done anything with Chloe. And if you had, I really don't think you'd be feeling this confused, right now. But you and Chloe _are_ really close," he explains. "Honestly, I'm kind of surprised that it took three years for us to have this conversation."

" _Why?"_ Beca flusters incredulously.

Jesse shrugs. "You're an open-minded girl. Chloe usually isn't shy. You look at her like she hung the moon and stars, Bec, and she looks at you like she wants to eat you alive and smother you to death with cuddles, all at once. Everybody knows there's tension there."

"How can everybody _possibly_ know that when I didn't?" Beca half-shouts her disbelief.

"Well, you aren't exactly denying it, now," Jesse laughs softly.

"Jesse, she's my best friend," Beca shakes her head. "She's- my _best friend_ ," she repeats with emphasis.

"No, she isn't," Jesse sighs. "I'm your best friend, Beca. Sure, we kiss, and we hold hands, and we'll have sex when it feels right, but you have to know that this isn't how most relationships work, right? I mean, we go days without speaking, you've never met my family, we don't talk about how we're going to maintain a relationship after graduation… Hell, we aren't even listed on Facebook. That isn't exactly normal after three years of dating, Becaw," he tells her as he raises himself upward and stretches his palm across her shoulder for comfort. "I'm your best friend. Chloe is… more," he shrugs.

Beca gapes at him.

Of course she'd noticed differences in her relationship with Jesse compared to the relationships of her friends, but none of her friends are prime paragons of 'normal.' It had never truly struck her as something that needed to be changed; Beca had been happy with their relationship as it was, and – at least as far as Beca knows – Jesse had been, too.

"Jesse, Chloe is my best friend," Beca murmurs, shaking her head.

"Okay," Jesse nods agreeably. "Then why aren't you having this conversation with her?"

"What do you mean?" Beca frowns.

"I _mean_ ," Jesse chuckles, "that don't you think it's just a _little_ weird that you're more comfortable having this conversation with your boyfriend than your best friend? You're confused, Bec, and I get it – but most people aren't going to voice their sexually confused thoughts to their significant other until they're sure it means something. Don't you find it just a _little_ strange that it's easier for you to talk to me about this than it is to talk to Chloe?"

"I didn't really think about it," Beca replies honestly. "I just felt so guilty and weird and- _confused_ ," she sighs tiredly.

"Okay," Jesse nods understandingly. "Well, how about this: take some time, Beca. However much you need. Try some things. _Talk to Chloe_ ," he insists quietly. "Experiment a little. Figure out what you want."

Beca frowns deeply, then pops her mouth open to blurt out, "Just to be clear – you're giving me permission to cheat on you right now, right? Because that doesn't exactly seem fair to you, Jesse."

"I don't know if it still counts as _cheating_ if I'm _allowing_ it," Jesse grins. "But yeah. Seriously, Bec, you know I love you – but I'm not going to keep you from something that makes you happy. The fact that this conversation isn't at all surprising to me is probably a sign, you know? And you're not the only one with a say in this relationship; if I'd wanted something different, or something more from you in the last three years, I could've said something. But I didn't. I didn't say anything, because I'm good with the way things have been," Jesse shrugs. "But, honestly, I don't think that our relationship would actually change that much if we decided not to be together in the same way. You're my best friend, too, Beca."

"Thanks," Beca whispers, ducking her head vulnerably. "You're uh- you're kind of awesome, you know?"

"Oh, baby, I've _always_ known," Jesse winks theatrically, so Beca laughs and shoves him until he falls back against the bed.

"Just, you know," Beca shrugs, "don't expect change, like, _tomorrow_ or anything."

"Whatever," Jesse rolls his eyes. "Come here. I want you to watch _Die Hard._ You owe me," he says pointedly, when she tries to protest.

Beca groans, but shifts up the bed to watch the damn thing with him, anyway, because as far as best friends go, she supposes Jesse is pretty cool.

* * *

They're at a party, and the girls really need this, because they've all been _annoyingly_ stressed about Worlds ever since the Bella's suspension. They're all pretty drunk, and Beca is not excluded.

Nor, it turns out, is Chloe.

The redhead had been elated when she'd found out that Beca could make it. Beca couldn't help but grin at her excitement, but honestly she's just relieved; ever since the retreat, she's felt a lot better being around Chloe, because she isn't keeping secrets from her anymore. Everything feels a little easier, a little lighter, and Beca a little bit regrets not telling Chloe about her internship sooner.

Still, Beca's drunk and that's not really on her mind right now.

What _is_ on her mind is the shape of Chloe's mouth, and just how pink her lips are. It's weird, but Beca's trying harder, now, to assess the depth of those feelings, rather than trying to push them away.

Jesse's been great the last few weeks, but she owes it to him to see if this is something that she wants. She owes it to herself, too. Beca will be graduating soon, and she doesn't want this kind of confusion lingering in the back of her head just as her life gets ready to change. Beca wants to know, and as attractive as that DSM bitch _is_ , when Beca thinks of potentially touching a woman, it's only ever Chloe.

She doesn't trust anyone else, doesn't feel enough for them, doesn't find them to be as beautiful inside as they are on the out. It's just Chloe, which is actually turning into a problem for Beca, because she has a hard time thinking about _not_ potentially touching a woman whenever Chloe's around.

Or, you know, whenever Beca's breathing.

It really just puts Chloe in her head a lot, and Beca still isn't sure how she feels about that, but she's growing more and more eager to find out.

"Becs!" Chloe says into her ear, voice breathy and hot. "I'm so glad you're here," she sighs happily as she hugs Beca from behind, arms coiling around the DJ's waist.

"Yeah," Beca grins crookedly and spins to face her. "Me too. The Bellas seem to be having fun."

"Mm," Chloe hums, eyes lighting with amusement as they search out Fat Amy, now overtly straddling Bumper's lap and effectively providing the new couple with a wide berth of severely disturbed acapella nerds, who have absolutely no desire to be anywhere near _that_. "Well, I hope they are, because Worlds are coming soon, and we're really going to have to crack down on the partying, Becs."

"Oh my God," Beca groans, and immediately places her open palms on Chloe's shoulders, absently smoothing her thumbs over soft skin that Beca abruptly wants to feel _more_ of. "If you say another word about Worlds tonight, Beale, I will personally destroy your entire Britney Spears collection – digital _and_ hard copy. I mean it, Red."

Chloe gasps sharply and narrows her eyes. "You wouldn't."

"I seriously would," Beca deadpans. "Just chill out, Chloe," she says softly. "Have some more jiggle juice, or whatever. Just… _relax_."

Chloe sighs, then smiles repentantly, and murmurs, "I'm sorry. I know I've been super high-strung lately. I'm just- scared," she shrugs weakly.

"I know," Beca nods. "But tonight you're with your friends, and we're _all_ graduating – except for Legacy, obviously," Beca huffs. "We're all scared. But you can't let being scared ruin the time you have left at Barden. Just- stop worrying so much, Chloe. Even if you fail in the real world, we'll still be around. We can help. Stop freaking out."

Chloe laughs lightly and shakes her head. "It's crazy to me that you say all the worst things, and still make me feel better."

"Yeah, well," Beca flushes, and shrugs, "I'm talented that way."

"Yeah," Chloe whispers. "You are."

Beca blushes again, but is either too drunk or too flustered to provide a reply. Chloe only smiles softly, though, and chuckles.

"I just wish I had a better idea of how to proceed _after_ graduation. I don't even know what I want to do," she shakes her head with a sigh.

"Between teaching special needs children and dancing exotically? The latter will definitely make more money," Beca mumbles.

"You think?" Chloe beams.

Beca blinks, then looks at Chloe – really _looks_ at her, top to bottom, and back up again, trailing over hips and calves visible through skintight jeans and the swell of breasts hugged by a low-cut green top – before meeting her shining blue eyes.

"Um- yeah," Beca nods, then coughs. "I mean, you've seen you, right? Because, like, I'm pretty sure people would pay a hell of a lot to, you know, see _more_ of you."

Chloe grins, then winks, and replies, "Don't worry, DJ; I'll give you the family and friends discount."

"… I'm pretty sure you should exclude family. Your dad would actually set the place on fire to prevent anyone from seeing _any_ of you, Chloe."

It's true. Chloe's dad is playful and kind, for the most part, but he is monstrously protective. Beca had received a firm talking-to her sophomore year regarding her new status as Chloe's closest friend at Barden, after Aubrey's departure; he'd basically named Beca as Chloe's bodyguard.

Beca had taken him – and her new job – pretty seriously. Firstly, because the guy was terrifying, but also because it had made Beca realize how vulnerable Chloe actually is, with her overly-honed ability to trust and exhibit kindness. Mr. Beale was pretty scary, but Beca had warned off a couple of guys in the past few years who'd wanted nothing from Chloe but her body, and she'd made sure they hadn't hung around for very long.

"You're probably right," Chloe nods. "I'll have to think of a cover story. It'll be fun. I'll be like a superhero; perfect, fully-clothed daughter by day, reckless, scantily-clad dancer by night."

"I just – " Beca breaks off and sighs with a shake of her head. "I can't, with you, Beale."

Chloe laughs, then pulls at Beca's wrist. "Come on," she says. "If I'm going to turn dancing into a career, I probably need some practice."

It isn't bad, at first. The party is beginning to slow down, and people have started clearing out, so the dance area is relatively open. Chloe dances about a foot away from Beca, until suddenly she's not really a foot away anymore. Beca isn't really sure how it happened – all she knows is that Chloe's face is abruptly only inches from her own, and Beca doesn't totally remember how to breathe.

Then Chloe turns Beca around and begins a slow roll of her hips against Beca's, and the DJ is pretty sure that all rational thought has left her, because after only a minute or so of _that_ , Beca curves her neck to whisper shakily, "At the retreat, you said– you told me that you regretted not experimenting more. What did you mean, Chloe?"

Chloe laughs, but it's nervous and a little off-key. "It's stupid. But I thought- I _think –_ " She exhales shakily and stops dancing, but she still hugs Beca's hips under her fingers and doesn't shift away, her face tucked firmly into the back of Beca's hair. "Sometimes, when I look at you, I think that maybe I might be a little… gay," she says quietly. "And I'm totes okay with it," she rushes to assure, "it's just that… I feel like I should know? Does that make sense? I think that I probably am, though – gay – because, Beca, every time that stupid blonde bitch from DSM makes you lose your chill, I'm, like, un _bearably_ jealous."

"You are?" Beca chokes out, and shifts to turn around, taking Chloe's wrists in her hands when the redhead moves to anxiously pull them away.

"Well, yeah," Chloe shrugs. "I just- I think that I want you, Beca," she sighs yearningly. "And I've never done this before, so I don't even know what that means, but I know that I hate the thought of you being with her, instead," Chloe confesses, her blue eyes skittering away and back again, like she's forcing courage into her words that she doesn't actually _have_.

Beca waits, evaluating the situation for only a moment, before she decides what to do.

"I regret it, too," Beca whispers, then tugs softly at Chloe's wrists until the redhead's body is pressed into hers. Chloe's breath catches, but she still doesn't move away.

It feels different – there are curves where Beca is used to flat planes, and Chloe is soft in all the places Beca has come to expect hardness – but Beca really likes it. She enjoys Chloe's hopeful eyes, and the nervous tick at the edge of her mouth.

Beca _really_ enjoys that last one, but she doesn't say so in words.

She carefully shifts her right palm to Chloe's cheek and leans forward. Her eyes search for Chloe's, but those pretty blue irises are already masked beneath Chloe's eyelids, and the redhead has already bowed her neck just a little to compensate for the height difference. Beca reads that as acceptance, and tentatively pushes the last inch between her mouth and Chloe's.

Beca is abruptly grateful that Chloe is as new to this as she is, because as nice as it feels, it takes a second to adjust. There's no scratch of stubble, and Chloe's mouth is so soft against Beca's that it feels almost like a dream. Chloe is cautious, too, but she regains control of her stolen wrist, anyway, and curls it around Beca's neck with tremoring fingers and a touch so light that Beca is nearly _sure_ this can't be real.

Still, a second later and Beca doesn't actually _care_ if it's real, because after a few anxious moments while they both gather their bearings, Chloe's tongue peeks tentatively outward to brush across Beca's mouth, and Beca whimpers a little, shifting her hips closer to taste _more_ of Chloe, and to feel her better.

But Chloe turns her mouth downward with a gasp, breaking away from Beca, and she smiles sadly before whispering, "Beca, I _want_ to – you have to know that I do – but… _Jesse_ ," she insists quietly.

Beca blinks, and shakes her head. Because, right, just because _she_ knows that she has a free pass doesn't mean that _Chloe_ knows.

"This was Jesse's _idea_ ," Beca frowns.

"Huh?" Chloe furrows her brows together, confused.

Beca sighs and takes a step back, glancing around to notice that only a few people are left – most of them too drunk to acknowledge what just happened between them – but Fat Amy and Bumper are staring at them wide-eyed and disbelieving, so Beca gestures to Chloe that they should leave. She doesn't really have a destination in mind, so she leads Chloe on a walk through campus, heading toward the Bella house.

"Look," Beca sighs and runs shaking fingers through her hair, "that chick from DSM really fucked my head up, Chloe. She's tall, and blonde, and she _is_ physically flawless; when I think about her, that's all I see. But that doesn't _mean_ anything," Beca sighs irritably. "It just- it opened my eyes a little, I guess? When I think about you – " Beca hesitates, and Chloe grapples for her hand and squeezes it tight in encouragement. "When I think about you, I think of that little scar on your forehead, and of how easy it is to be around you. I think of that stupid ladybug tattoo," Beca scoffs, "and how it's dumb, but it _works_ on you, because you're Chloe and that's exactly the kind of tattoo that you _would_ get. I think of the Bellas, and of _family_ , and I think of how you love to cuddle all the time.

"When I think about you, it hardly has anything to do with how pretty you are, Chloe," Beca shakes her head, then frowns. "Not that you aren't pretty, because… Like, dude, I don't even feel like I need to tell you how pretty you are, Chlo. You're beautiful, and you know it. It's just, I never thought about you that way, because I'd never thought of _any_ girl that way. Does that make sense?" Beca pleads earnestly, but doesn't wait for an answer. "And then we met that girl from DSM, and I- _started_ thinking of girls that way, even though I didn't really mean to or even _want to_. So I talked to Jesse."

"That's a really big deal for you, Beca," Chloe interrupts, sincerity painted through her eyes and through the lines of her mouth. "That must have been hard. I'm really proud of you," she says sweetly.

Beca nods, then whispers softly, "Thanks. But when I talked to Jesse, he made me think about some things. Like you," Beca laughs hollowly, and cards her fingers through her hair again. "I thought about you a _lot_ , Chloe. I still do. Jesse said that I should take some time and… experiment; find out what I want. I've spent the last few weeks just trying to figure out what I _feel_. I'm still working on it, Chlo," Beca tells her honestly. "This is new for me, too, but all I know is that I can't stop thinking about you, and I always want to be around you. And- that kiss was pretty great, too," Beca swallows nervously and regards her shoes with a singular intensity that is generally only spared for Beca's music.

"Wow," Chloe murmurs teasingly. "I don't think I've ever heard you talk so much."

"Jesus Christ, _seriously?"_ Beca demands incredulously.

"What else do you want me to say?" Chloe smiles gently and laughs. "I like you. We're both a little new to this, but I do know that much; I like you. You're my Beca," she shrugs easily, like she is now no longer nervous at all, and Beca just thinks that can't be _fair_. "And I'm really just happy that you like me, too, and that you talked to Jesse first."

"Yeah, but, like… What does this mean? For- _us?"_ Beca swallows again.

"Right now?" Chloe stops, pulling Beca close to press their foreheads together. "There's no pressure here, Beca; we don't have to figure everything out right away. Jesse told you to take some time, so maybe we just do that. And," Chloe bites her lip, "maybe kiss a little more, too. I'm selfish, but I don't care; that was amazing, and I want- I just want to experiment a little more, and regret a little less. But I don't need it all right now, Beca; having sex right now would be a terrible idea. I don't even know how you like to be touched, yet, or even _how_ to touch you. I mean, beyond the basics, anyway," Chloe tells her. Beca blushes furiously, but Chloe's grin is firmly in place, and her words breathe hot over Beca's mouth, and none of this is helping Beca's flushed state at _all_. "I just want to be around you, Becs," Chloe offers earnestly. "And anything else that happens," she shrugs, " _happens._ Is that okay?"

Beca blinks, then rolls her eyes, and huffs, "You're such a freak, Red. Not knowing about your plans after college terrifies the shit out of you, but not knowing whether we're in a relationship or not is okay?"

Chloe frowns, then, with mock-confusion, says, "Of course we're in a relationship, Beca. You're my best friend."

Beca smiles a little at that, then shakes her head. "No. Jesse's my best friend," she says gently. "You're- something else. Something more."

Chloe bites her lower lip, then releases it and swiftly presses her mouth into Beca's again. It's quick, and that's really all there is – just Chloe's mouth barely moving against Beca's own – but Beca's heart stutters and she thinks that maybe she should call Jesse tonight and tell him that he's a fucking awesome best friend for encouraging this.


End file.
